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Or is it?  I just turned 40.

40 years of doing what I can consider my own thing. How many of those years have been wasted I wonder?

I would hate to be one of those people that has an existential crisis just due to an age, but I think at the end of the day we are all subjecting ourselves to a series of standards and and controls that we feel we need to meet and exceed.

Am I happy?
-yes.

Am I stimulated?
-yes.

Could I be doing more with my life?
-again yes.

But here lies the issue.  What are the measuring sticks that we should be using to judge our success or failure.

Ok the failure ones are easy. We are all far too quick to see our own faults before our personal victories, but again, what am I judging myself against.

Maybe I need to use a car metaphor.  We all start our as standard factory fitted equipment.
Some of these cars over the years will turn out to be better investments than others. We cannot all be top of the range luxury German automobiles, but some of us, we take car of the chassis, we service the moving parts, we store ourselves in garages, some of us have taken the car off road and said “to hell with the consequences”

-you get the idea.

So what does 40 mean to me?
Should I have the house with the white picket fence and the 2.5 children going to private school?  Should I have investments and mortgages and medical aids that cost ten grand a month?

Possibly.

For every time I look at another persons lot, I need to remember that people are looking back..  For every moment I have failed, there are equal moments that I have succeeded (well to a degree without a degree at least).

Here is what I need to do at this juncture in my life.  I need to just keep doing what I have been doing. Maybe with a touch more direction because c’mon.  Nobody is perfect yeah.

But I am comfortable, and I am well set to make the next 40 years (That is a mix of a very long time and equally just around the corner) go rather well. But I also wonder about change.  I wasn’t doing what I wanted to do at 20, by 30 I had started, and now here at 40, I am wondering where the next change will come from.

Does growing older mean growing up?

Let’s see what 50 will be like.

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