“Rants with Pants” podcast is up on iTunes and Podomatic.


What a skiddle. Trying to get wordpress to link up to a podcast. Then trying to find a host that allows you to post multiple episodes without paying more than a gym contract a month.  So here we are.  Finally able to post on iTunes.I have recorded many podcasts over the years.  Most of which have never been released online.  I will be releasing a mix of vintage podcasts and newer episodes.  At the moment it might be a bit haphazard.  But give it a few weeks and I think i will find my stride.I need to ask a favour though. Would you please take a listen, subscribe, share and write a little review for me?  Thank you. That will really help get this going.

Rants with Pants Podcast

Rants with Pants Episode 5

Still no joy. Still no effing joy at getting this thing to submit and verify with iTunes.

Do I give up? No.
Do I have to fork out money?  Yes.

Recorded in my car on my way to my buddy Gareth Allison’s house for his internet wisdom and skills. Sadly it’s still not resolved.

Anyway.  This is a more optimistic post than yesterday.  The benefits of your imagination online. Thanks for listening.  Again, I appreciate any follows, shares and feedback.


The cycle lanes in Cape Town are a joke.

Seriously though. The cycle lanes just don’t work in Cape Town. Since there is no parking in the first place, all the cars and delivery vehicles just double park on the lines, forcing the cyclists to have to ride into middle of the road anyway….If anything, the cycle paths have made matters almost worse.

On Adderley St the bike lanes are often filled with flower sellers.

I just think a good idea needs more work.

Best Restaurants in Cape Town?

Cape Town is a food city.
Whilst everyone has a differing opinion on the Cape about something or another. Pretty much everyone agrees that the quality of food in this city is outstanding.


I eat out a lot. I guess you could say almost vulgarly. But there is always a new place to try, a new style of food being offered or a brand new establishment popping up.

I am going to compile a list of my favourite restaurants over time.

Perhaps you could add a few of your suggestions down here.
I rarely get enthusiastic about a place because there is a bit of vibe about it. Too many of the successful restaurants here are only popular because a select crowd chooses to validate them. What interests me most is the smaller less well known establishments that just do food right.

I like cold draught beer, hearty portions and quality service.

Hit me up with your suggestions…
(The featured image is of a Full House Masala Gatsby…..it is by no means fine dining.)

Buying cars online. Good idea or not?

Ok. Truth time.

http://www.gumtree.co.za have asked me to write a few words on buying online.

Lets start with the truth. Since that is the biggest issue when buying online. Often blind.
I have bought dozens of vehicles over the years.  Using http://www.gumtree.co.za in South Africa has seen me purchase many of my cars and motorbikes over the years.   The platform just works for me.

Lets imagine there was an actual car lot out there. A car lot that had every obscure and out of production vehicle there was. That we could walk around and see all these cars in real time. Folks you are dreaming. It just doesn’t exist out there.

For me to find the cars and bikes that I have (im including bicycles here too) I would have had to drive around for ages into places that I didnt know existed in order to track down some of these vehicles. I found what I wanted with a few clicks. Sometimes I have had friends send me links via text messages or emails saying “Martin, you just have to check this out”

I bought my last three cars via http://www.gumtree.co.za

My VW Kombi Autovilla.  Bough blind in PE.

My Volvo 122S Amazon.  Also bought blind in PE

and my Mercedes c230 Coupe.  Bought blind up in Johannesburg.

I was able to get enough info out of the buyers adverts to warrant further investigation. Im no fool. I didn’t transfer funds or go to some dodgy place to view these cars. I dealt with people online and felt I had sufficient trust with them to meet up and see th cars. In every case it was well worth the gamble as I got exactly the cars I was looking for without any further need to search. In fact I cannot think how I would have found them otherwise.

Be sensible when buying online. But by all means do it.
Like this advert I saw here http://goo.gl/M8l2LP
I just want to jump out and buy this. Ok. So  im short of cash and parking. But hey. A man can dream!

Biffy Clyro at Ramfest 2014


I think I have been to pretty much every festival in South Africa over the past few years.
Stand up comedy has fast cemented itself into the framework of the bigger music festivals.

Quite often we are doing the festivals for ulterior motives.  As in we the comics enjoy them too.  So why not at least get to go to the festival with a performers backstage pass and get paid for it too.

This weekend saw me performing at RAMFEST for the first time.  I will be honest. Of all the festivals I have been involved in, this was probably the first or maybe second one I would have done just to have seen the bands involved.

The stage provided for comedy was not exactly what we needed as comedians. But we made do with what we had (which was nothing) and stood in the burning sun and did some jokes.  It went rather well if truth be told.

I wasn’t too familiar with the Foals before Ramfest. But I did a bit of homework and I was more than surprised to see just how good they are as a live band.  I was almost worried that the Scottish band Biffy Clyro that was still to follow had quite a bit to live up to after the quality of the Foals performance.  But this wasn’t to be the case in the slightest.

To put it in perspective. We all have a band or two that we have listened to just that little bit more than others.  Over the past year or two in my travels. I found that they particularly suited my mood for walking around the many strange cities and what-not that I visited.

It is almost like they find just a few extra notes and melody in their music. It also has such a strange hypnotic drum pattern that I just adore it.

Anyway.  The hit the stage and I was more than excited.  The setting was pretty small and the size of the crowd more than suitable for the area. The sound was excellent and there were no big screens to divert your attention.  This show was just about the guys.

They rocked the shit out of RAMFEST. I felt like I had just watched one of the finest shows of my life.  Certainly the best thing I have ever had the chance to witness here in South Africa and more than any other festival to date.  The crowd knew the tunes. We sang along.

Biffy Clyro. You guys were beautiful.

#Moonlightmass was the most fun. See you at the next full moon?

I have been feely rather poorly for a week or two now. Thought a dose of man-flu was in the post. Seems I managed to skip it. So I spent a quiet nine days allowing myself some healthy food and avoiding alcohol. Plus I gave my diet a bit of a shake up.

I say diet. But really. Me. Diet. Nah-ah. My food intake isn’t great. It is a history of poor choices or substandard wikipedia ability to work out the nutritional content of my food, but to be honest. I have been touring for best part of a year. Im rarely home. I either do not have the facilities to cook on the road, or im just too bloody lazy. Besides, I equate food with social occasion too. I like to eat out.

Eating out at 6pm Is no bother. Eating out after a gig at 11pm onwards is. Have you ever wanted to eat some nice and clean and healthy and later found that all there is to consume at the petrol station is a 2 day old coconut koeksister that they had to microwave to get the grease proof paper to peel off it. That folks, is my diet in a nutshell. I can’t eat before a gig, it just doesn’t sit well. Ah well. Im moving away from the point. Im wanting to eat a lot more vegetables. How many more you may be asking. (You are asking aren’t you?)

Lots more Veggies.

Am I going vegetarian. Um. Er, I kind of want to.

I want to be fit and healthy again. Ive packed on a layer of Arctic man-fat that could see me last longer in the water than a polar bear. I want to be fit. So I also bought a bicycle. But in some vainglorious attempt at social acceptance for my needy soul, I bought a fancy folding bike.

Cape Town is a bitch of a city when it comes to hills. For every downhill that leaves your pants shat brown with fear, you have the unavoidable climb to deal with afterwards. I have thrown clothes away after a ride up that poxy hill. So being a smart arse. I thought a folding bike would be just the business.. I can cycle down at speeds faster than a startled show pony bolting for freedom. Up? I can get a taxi or a lift and very soon, I can get the Myciti bus. A bus so fancy schmancy you will feel like you are in Barcelona. Ok. If it gets me up the hill for like R5, then lets do this. But sadly it doest run yet. Not least in my hood. But patience. I just need a little patience.

My dreams of Cape Town being this cycling utopia were a little dashed.

But it kind of brings me back to this silly little diet change. I want to ride the bike more. I am getting so much more exercise than I am normally used to. I am eating well, I am limiting my drinking.

So change of diet, change of transport, change of outlook?

Yes? Hope so..

So I went out and did the Moonlight Mass the other night. Every full moon, the Cape Town cycling community meets up at the Green Point Stadium and goes on a cheeky wee escorted trip along the beachfront and back into town.

I used to do the Critical Mass rides in London as often as I could. Those were mammoth events with thousands and thousands of riders. This was a more restrained affair. But what fun. I mean really fun.

Ended up at a bar in Greenpoint later in the night. Cycling drunk is not a suggested sport for those of you looking for some adrenaline kicks. But it sure does beat driving a car.

So my healthy agenda of getting some cycling in was achieved. But then I basically got drunk. So it sort of cancelled out the benefits.

I may not be fitter today. But i’m smiling more than I was before I left.


I have a little cameo role in the new @phfat @jackparow “Spring Moederfokker” video from @ryankrugerthing with @juicyjemma

What fun this was to shoot.

Ryan Kruger has directed me in quite a few projects now. I previously was in one of his other music video’s for Taxi Violence. This was shot at a primary school in Greenpoint. Yes. Yolande Malherbe is rather hot. Yes indeed. So then is the other nurse in the shoot. The lovely Lise Slabber.

Anyway. I think this is a great tune. Well impressed with Ryan’s work. He really is good.

This was the previous video I shot with him for Taxi Violence

Drivetime Robbery Podcast is now up…download from here.

Hello folks.

This week, both Rob and I were unable to record the show live.  So in a way to make our lives a much more complex place, we deceided to go and record it live and in various parts.

On the show this week we have a fantastic assortment of guests.

We have Siv Ngesi in studio, discussing his show “Dekaf”

We get to chat to Kevin McCallum in India who is covering the Cricket World Cup.
Interviews and live recordings of Guy Buttery as well as in studio chats with Regan from the Flamjangled Tea Party.

Drivetime Robbery Show Six

click above to download

I managed to break the internet

Yesterday saw the 2nd show from myself and the wonderful Rob Van Vuuren.  I saw wonderful as we are doing our own PR at this stage.  I was leaving they studio yesterday…unplugged my laptop, managed to hit a power switch and literally killed the whole station dead.  That ladies and gentlemen….is the power of the Daytime Robbery with Rob Van Vuuren and me.,…Martin “Hellpants” Evans.

Wonderful, wacky, and armed with an effing backstage pass to the u2 gig tonight.

Good luck you little turdette. I hear Bono gobs on the front row people for being privileged.  Enjoy.  I myself will be standing with the rest of the proletariat.  Judging and waiting for songs they probably will not play..


but you see….it brings be full circle.  When I was a lighty back in high school.  U2 released their best work in my opinion.  Rattle and Hum.  Granted they had already started to become a bit too successfull by that stage. I was lucky enough to have my gran bring out their new album (on cassette I might add) to South AFrica for me as a wee gift.  I took it to school and it raised me to a level of cool that I have yet to replicate in life.


The album was banned after their wee retorts about Desmond Tutu… The song was called “Silver and Gold” and ironically…that is what you require to get into the show.  Tickets are super costly.  But i have been fortunate enough to score a free ticket.  My fiancee works for Primedia that is one of the media partners behing bringing them out…..anyway…..the words Bono uttered where as follows:

“This song was written in a hotel room in New York City ’round about the time a friend of ours, Little Steven, was putting together a record of “Artists Against Apartheid”. This is a song written about a man in a shanty town outside of Johannesburg. A man who’s sick of looking down the barrel of white South Africa. A man who is at the point where he is ready to take up arms against his oppressor. A man who has lost faith in the peacemakers of the west while they argue and while they fail to support a man like Bishop Tutu and his request for economic sanctions against South Africa..Am I buggin’ you? I don’t mean to bug ya. OK Edge….play the blues..”

Got to say….Im really looking forward to seeing them tonight.  If only to remind me of my youth….the days when a double cassette of music made you cool.  and to see the stadium packed to capacity.  nice.

Die Antwoord bloody rocked it. The Cape Town audience were kak though.

I got to see Die Antwoord on Saturday night.

I had to drive in from Robertson where I was performing at the Opskop event.  Myself and the other comics darted back into Cape Town, met up with my friend and managed to walk into the venue, drinks in hand as the first track was kicking off.

I had another cool experience a wee while back.  I was at a screening of District 9 with cast and crew and I saw the same thing there too.  Why is it that South African audiences show such terrible apathy at something they should be loving.

Whilst Yolandi (who is soo sexy by the way) and Ninja gave it their all and destroyed the place, the audience looked like they couldn’t have cared less.  There was no vibe.  On the downside, the venue was so strange and bleak.  You could park two of the Hindenburg’s in there.  The sound just wasnt big enough either, and the lack of visuals was a big disappointment.

I’m pretty certain that Poe$ Groot World Tour is going to be bigger than anything the Parlotones could dream of.  Still think i got to see something special though.  Go and see this.  You will bloody love it.

20 weeks, 140 days, and im off for my first walk up to the ponds with the pooch.

Pretty much every day, I would take my dog for a wee walk or swim up in the mountains.  To me, one of the best things about living in Cape Town in the City Bowl, is the ability to be in nature literally just crossing the road.

I off now for a wee drive/walk up the road.  Ive been walking unassisted now for a week or two.  I have been advised to put weight on my leg and the loosened up the bolts on my external fixator in order for me to take some more strain.

Its going really well.  So im off now to drive pretty much most of the way up, and then a small walk to the ponds.  My dog treats that place as if a god made it just for her.  So looking forward to this.

Im going to upload some pics from there shortly.

Cape Town for Haiti, a nice idea, but how about Cape Town for Cape Town? Charity begins at home…

I think its fantastic that there are musicians and artists prepared to give their time and energy to charitable causes.
Whilst I am more than aware of the devastation created in Haiti following their earthquake back, I have to think of this event as a sceptic with a local persuasion.

Whilst Haiti is in dire need of relief?  Have we not got our own set of problems so challenging as to not warrant permanent attention?

I still see an advert on television every night nearly asking me to donate to the Haiti victims fund.  As a sceptical man, I cannot see there being enough return on investment to warrant still running the adverts for that campaign.  Surely the costs of broadcasting an advert (unless they got some charity deal) is going to be higher than the returns of people donating.

People need help, and we have our own community of desperate people right on our own doorsteps needing this very same assistance.
Im not saying that we shouldn’t be a part of the world community and assist.  But there are bigger nations.  Nations that make their money from places like Haiti that should be stepping up to sort this out.

In the meantime, there is a fantastic night of music at the Baxter  on the 12th May.

Artists performing include Ross Learmonth [Prime Circle], Farryl Purkiss, Simon Van Gend, Jack Mantis, Gary Thomas, Tina Schouw, Ian Henderson,
Claire Phillips, Gavin Minter, Wendy Oldfield, Mark Fransman, Amanda Tiffin, Lionel Bastos, Mersey State, Flat Stanley and Paul Abro
Dont miss out on this special night, where great artists share their journeys and commitment to their art.

Tickets are R100 and R120 – available at Computicket


Cape Town is currently running stand up comedy nights all through the week.

Wow.  How times change.

A couple of months ago, there was basically nothing in Cape Town.  A cool enough gig in town on a Monday, and that was about it.

Now we are seeing a rising rush of comedy all over the greater cape.  This is good.  Very good.
Not because the comedy is per se, but due to the fact that it gives us the acts a chance to really lift our game.  Write new material and be performing it regularly enough to be able to actually tweak it.  Ive been out of action for months.  Frankly I wasn’t excited at all to return to the world of Cape Stand Up.  I was doing it I think to make some cash.  Never a good idea.

But this week has seen me doing five different comedy gigs.  Im feeling funny, Im writing new material, and Im getting a chance to show it to a range of audiences, and not just some goofed lighties in Long Street.  (although i do like the goofed lighties all the same)

I will post a list of the gigs currently running shortly.  But first, I need some sushi.