“Rants with Pants” podcast is up on iTunes and Podomatic.


What a skiddle. Trying to get wordpress to link up to a podcast. Then trying to find a host that allows you to post multiple episodes without paying more than a gym contract a month.  So here we are.  Finally able to post on iTunes.I have recorded many podcasts over the years.  Most of which have never been released online.  I will be releasing a mix of vintage podcasts and newer episodes.  At the moment it might be a bit haphazard.  But give it a few weeks and I think i will find my stride.I need to ask a favour though. Would you please take a listen, subscribe, share and write a little review for me?  Thank you. That will really help get this going.

Rants with Pants Podcast

Rants with Pants Episode 5

Still no joy. Still no effing joy at getting this thing to submit and verify with iTunes.

Do I give up? No.
Do I have to fork out money?  Yes.

Recorded in my car on my way to my buddy Gareth Allison’s house for his internet wisdom and skills. Sadly it’s still not resolved.

Anyway.  This is a more optimistic post than yesterday.  The benefits of your imagination online. Thanks for listening.  Again, I appreciate any follows, shares and feedback.


Rants with Pants Episode 4

Feeling like shit today. So I just recorded this from the flat.
The banging in my head is made worse by the building site across from me and their flamboyant use of loud tools.  This is a shout out to MyCiti bus services. You suck. So so much.

Thank you for the feedback so far folks.  All comments and listens appreciated.

Lunch time #Epicburger #meatfreemovember @frysfamily #Frysfamily

This has been a bleak year for many people. It certainly has been one of change for me. I have to say however that my changes have mostly been from a positive space. Ive been giving my future prospects some attention recently and there has been some fantastic response there. 2016 couldn’t be looking any rosier.

Ive’ only got a minute here to spare today. Here is what I am throwing together for my #MeatfreeMovember #FrysFamily #Epicburger.

That’s a lot of hashtage. But this was lovely.


I made two types. Firstly I fried up the Meat Free Traditional burgers for about 8 mins. Threw in a a bit of red onion. I had some tasty cheese rolls with some fancy chutney on them. I had a bag of nice mixed herbs and made a base.  On one of the burgers, I have added beetroot chutney that is delicious. On the other one a really tasty tomato pickle. Spicy but just delicious.I thought I would throw a fried egg on top of one as well.

Downsides? The egg burst it’s yolk on my nice shirt


A few lifestyle changes may be required.

If my body was a car, I would probably fail the roadworthy.

I think the need to make changes is something that you often are just a part of. Make changes or feel ill all the time.  I say this like I have some sort of idea of what being fit really is. Frankly if I haven’t seen it on youtube, it probably hasn’t happened. All I do know is that my current ways are not working out so great.

Been about 50 days now. Been going to gym regularly, been working to fix my range of motion on my shoulder and things are looking good. Other than a few glasses of wine over the month, I have managed to remain alcohol free for at least 40 days now.

I spoke about a change of diet on Cape Talk 702 last week about #MeatFreeMonday #MeatFreeMovember and what kind of changes you guys are facing.  Folks have been sending me a whole range of recipes and suggestions.  I think my body has been asking for it.



Giving the #MeatFreeMovember tacos with quacamole a try.

I have been working hard all day. I wasn’t really in the mood to spend too much time in the Kitchen. But I managed to throw this together in about 35mins.

It’s pretty simple.

Take one box of the Fry’s Meat Free Mince.

Add a chopped onion, some green pepper, some garlic,  half a teaspoon of paprika and about a quarter or cumin, and gently fry that all up. Add the Fry’s Meat Free Mince and cook away. After it was all browned, I added the tomato paste.  I took a photo of the ingredients that I used.


The quacamole was really simple.

Took 2 large avocados. (nice and ripe) and added coriander and chilli and two tomatoes  with one chopped onion and salt and pepper with some lime juice from half a lime. Mashed them up all up with a fork and was sorted. (Sounding like Jamie Oliver here).

The salsa was just 250g of tomato finely chopped with more onion and more chilli. I used the rest of the lime juice here along with the remaining coriander.

The taco shells just took a few minutes under the grill to warm up and it was ready. Spooned the meat free filling into the warm taco shells and covered with guacamole and salsa.  Delicious. I think this was my favourite meal so far.

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Im going to try #MeatfreeMovember along with @frysFamily

I was once a vegetarian.

It didn’t last too long. It was more a flirtation with it in College.

I went along to a few Hare Krishna meetings at the University and frankly I enjoyed the free lunch.

I was twenty and I enjoyed embracing my hippie side as well as food that cost nothing.

I remember trying to tell my elderly Welsh grandparents from a farming background that I was vegetarian. They completely understood.  What they understood about vegetarianism was that I should get extra portions of veggies with my roast chicken, pork and turkey that they had prepared.

Over the years I have grown what I can almost embarrassingly say, is accustomed to really great food.  Cape Town ticks all the boxes for food. From great markets to top class eateries. We really are quite spoiled. Someone new to Cape Town would be hard pressed to make a dent in trying to eat at all our restaurants. There are just too many, leaving you with the delight of being able to discover something new gastronomically almost constantly.

But herein lies the issue. It almost gets boring. Your palate soon adjusts to this constant bombardment of tastes and textures and we have grown to be rather bored of such a choice. I know. It sounds mad doesn’t it.

Another catch of the constant wining and dining in the Cape. (or indeed many other parts of the country) is that the cost of eating out, albeit tiny compared to overseas, it’s a lurking beast on the credit card.  I cannot think of a day when I do not start the morning with a flat white, followed by at least one to two more in a day. That alone is like a R60 coffee habit daily. I do not want to know what I have been spending at restaurants. 

I have a perfectly lovely apartment in the city with my awesome girlfriend. I suggested to her that we should consider eating a bit more at home. A bit more “prepared from scratch” whenever possible, and to consider what we eat and the impact of it a bit more. We have been able to watch on the smart TV a mix of documentaries from a variety of topics. Many of which food related.
I think its hard to see how we are impacting the planet, when all we see are full shelves at the supermarkets. Everything wrapped up cling film and polystyrene as we just imagine meat to be.

See here is my dilemma. I am not a vegetarian. I am not a vegan.  I eat meat.

So what is the bad parts of it then? To me it is the living and eventually dying conditions of the animals. I have no objection to people who live in rural environments who slaughter their own cattle and foul.  They have developed a relationship with that animal. They fed it, tended it, and eventually they consumed it. I have no issue with this. But what If I lined up all the chickens I ate in 2015 in a row. How much work and effort would I have to put in to raise that many animals. We only see what we consume in tiny daily portions. We never see it stacked up.

Ive been really unhealthy over the past few years. Im Forty. This is life.  Compounded on our great food situation and a life that led me straight to the watering hole, I really needed to make a change of lifestyle now. Not on the 1st of January after that last festive braai, or after Wednesday because of that friends birthday, or maybe Monday because its been a heatwave.  You know the excuses. I have them all. I tore my bicep and rotator cuff back at the end of last year. It didn’t’ heal well. It was improved to the point where I could use it again, then I shot a commercial for the Netherlands where I had to do a bunch of “pull-ups” in the park. The number of pull ups was stupid. Especially for a fat man with a bad shoulder.  Needless to say it buggered it up good and proper and I had to get it sorted. I figured that my shoulder had improved and my time for excuses about my personal fitness were at a level that needed immediate addressing.

I got a few recommendations from some industry friends about what to do and who to see. I was introduced to Bruce Benjamin. A fitness professional who trains up some of the well known musicians, actors and presenters here in Cape Town. He is regularly on the tell with his training stuff. He has me working out in a way to strengthen my shoulder and to work around my issues to get me fit. This includes learning to box. Something I have wanted to do for a while, Im also chuffed to say that my shoulder is now strong enough to throw a punch or two in a sparring session.  Im loving it.

With being active, came a total rethink of how I eat. Im going from never going to do any sort of physical training, to going to the gym 5-6 times a week and cycling every day in between.

I had to drop a few things. Namely alcohol, sugar and as many unnecessary carbs as possible. 
Protein shakes and lots of water.  Lets see where this takes me. Im already stronger and leaner and looking forward to being fit. Finally. For the first time in my life.  At 40.

I need to eat well at this time. I figured I would give #plantpower some thought.

I was approached by the folks at @Frysfamily to consider doing a promotion with them.  They asked if I would be interested in trying to make a seven meals of a mix of their vegan and vegetarian products, but with a twist.  So it would be jazzing up the burgers, doing something exotic with the “Prawn-less Teriyaki Stir Fry” to making Vegetarian Twister Wraps and salads with the “Meat Free Pops”.

Im going to try and see what I can adapt in my diet.  Over the next few days I will post up a few pics of the meals I have knocked together during the month of November. It’s #MeatFreeMovember. I will show a few of the recipes that I used to make something that has good quality ingredients, and is meat free.

Not just on Mondays.

If you have any tips or suggestions for how you have changed or are changing your eating habits. Let me know. There seems to be a million voices of opinion out there.  Next month, I am going to be doing a bunch of my greens by juicing. For now, I haven’t got just my palate to impress. The girlfriend needs to enjoy it all too!

Fat unmotivated man turns 40 and you won’t believe what he does next.


Or is it?  I just turned 40.

40 years of doing what I can consider my own thing. How many of those years have been wasted I wonder?

I would hate to be one of those people that has an existential crisis just due to an age, but I think at the end of the day we are all subjecting ourselves to a series of standards and and controls that we feel we need to meet and exceed.

Am I happy?

Am I stimulated?

Could I be doing more with my life?
-again yes.

But here lies the issue.  What are the measuring sticks that we should be using to judge our success or failure.

Ok the failure ones are easy. We are all far too quick to see our own faults before our personal victories, but again, what am I judging myself against.

Maybe I need to use a car metaphor.  We all start our as standard factory fitted equipment.
Some of these cars over the years will turn out to be better investments than others. We cannot all be top of the range luxury German automobiles, but some of us, we take car of the chassis, we service the moving parts, we store ourselves in garages, some of us have taken the car off road and said “to hell with the consequences”

-you get the idea.

So what does 40 mean to me?
Should I have the house with the white picket fence and the 2.5 children going to private school?  Should I have investments and mortgages and medical aids that cost ten grand a month?


For every time I look at another persons lot, I need to remember that people are looking back..  For every moment I have failed, there are equal moments that I have succeeded (well to a degree without a degree at least).

Here is what I need to do at this juncture in my life.  I need to just keep doing what I have been doing. Maybe with a touch more direction because c’mon.  Nobody is perfect yeah.

But I am comfortable, and I am well set to make the next 40 years (That is a mix of a very long time and equally just around the corner) go rather well. But I also wonder about change.  I wasn’t doing what I wanted to do at 20, by 30 I had started, and now here at 40, I am wondering where the next change will come from.

Does growing older mean growing up?

Let’s see what 50 will be like.

Jim Jefferies Live in South Africa.

Some comics just get it right. Jim has been doing just that for years now.
I first got the chance to gig with him back in the UK in 2006 and loved his work.

I prefer my comics to say it as it is. Jim does just that.

Jim shot to prominence over a bloody youtube clip of him being punched. Granted it didn’t make him funnier, but it did make him famous.

A million of hits later and it certaily cemented some notoraity for a man who was going on to bigger things. Anyway, he moved to the USA a few years ago and has since seen his career skyrocket with his own show “Legit”

He has a string of specials and one-man shows out there too.

  • Jim Jeffries: Hell Bound: Live at The Comedy Store London – Released: 2008
  • Contraband – (5000 limited editions) Released: 10 November 2008 (UK Home Video)
  • I Swear to God – Broadcast: 16 May 2009; Released: 13 October 2009 (US Home Video)
  • Alcoholocaust – Released: 8 November 2010 (Comedy Central UK DVD)
  • Fully Functional – Release: October 2012
  • Bare – Release: 29 August 2014 (Netflix)

Jim has toured South Africa in the past, where I got the chance to open for him here in Cape Town.

He will be back soon with his brand new shop “Freedumb” and will be at the Grand Arena at Grand West Casino and at The Globe at Silverstar.

Jim Jefferies Freedumb SA 2015
I had a quick interview with Jim on Cape Talk/702 a few weeks ago.  Catch the interview here.

I have a few double tickets to give away.
Two double tickets for the shows at Silverstar and at Grand West.

In order to win, you need to comment on the blog at the bottom with the answer to the following question, along with your location (Jhb or Cape Town).

“What was the name of Jim Jefferies American Television show”

Answers below and the winners will be announced on Wednesday 22 July 2015.  The winners will be selected randomly for the reply’s.

Good Luck!

Wearing the (hell)pants #STOPTHENONSENSE #GOODDEED

Its time to stop the nonsense.

When I was a kid, life was pretty simple when it came to food.

For lunch you got a polony sandwich, and if you were particularly well behaved a chicken and mushroom pie. Mostly around your birthday.

My friends kids today speak of having a deconstructed mac and cheese for lunch, washed down with organic juice from pears picked at moonlight on a farm that employees fair trade policies.

When I was a lighty, a tablespoon of sugar was considered luxury.  Today’s kids know no limit to their food extravagance.  This nonsense must stop.

I have this fear that our kids will grow up spoiled for choice and quality.

I think I went out to dinner with my family when I was a kid in the 80’s, perhaps four times a year.  Im guessing four times because there were four of us, and that meant four birthdays. Food was a simple affair. It involved a branded steak house and a burger with cheese and possible mushroom sauce if you were fancy.

Today I hear of toddlers refusing to eat anything other than particular restaurant sushi. I say particular because they will turn their little spoiled snouts up at the budget stuff.  I am not saying that the rise of quality food is a bad thing. But the race to keep little Johnny happy with his portions is out of control.  It is time to stop the nonsense.

It is time we institute some level of reality. Whilst we eat like kings, its time the kids knew the truth.

We already have Movember. Let us get the kids on an initiative. Can we not insist on a month where children are forced to eat emulsified meat products (ok I get it that there are vegetarians out there too) but for the month of May. I say we get the kids to eat Polony again. Reminiscent of the days when polony knew not social barriers. When polony was a tasty treat, not a reason for a food revolt at home.

Do it parents. The children need you to step forward.
Say no to the Salmon Rose and yes to the Polony Rose.

I know you can do it.
Stop the nonsense.

Review: The Comics Choice Awards. English may be dead. Long live the Vernac.


On Saturday I had the privilege of flying up to Johannesburg to attend the Comics Choice Awards at the Teatro Theatre at Montecasino.

It was quite the grand affair to be honest. Many of the comics putting on their best suits and what-nots and making quite the effort.  I wasn’t going to make it at first. Not for any reasons other than cost. Johannesburg is a fair old distance away and I was feeling quite happy being back in Cape Town. But I made a few calls and sorted myself out and I am glad I did.

Mango Airlines threw me a bone after the cock-up in November last year, that saw me missing the Synergy Festival after a ridiculous 12 hour flight delay.  So with a free return flight in my hand, I made my way up there.  My comedy buddy Melt Sieberhagen kindly offered to put me up for the night and fetch me from the airport.  We arrived after being in some horrendous Johannesburg traffic that I only assumed was due to some open-spot comic arriving on a horse drawn carriage or something. Comics be treating this like a matric dance yo.  I certainly don’t mean all.  Some folks looked like shit.  I am not fashionisat..but yassis. Make a plan.

The good people at @adidasOriginals made sure that I looked like a king with some fancy new threads. Now i’m not someone who knows how to dress to well without help (I mean I know how to put jeans on…Just not which jeans to put on…if you get what I mean) so coupled with the help of my most stylish of girlfriends, I ended up looking pretty damn dapper for such a fashion-o-phobe.

The only downside to the night was my getting a bit too drunk. I had a hangover the following morning that could have sank a ship. I was actually ready to postpone my flight and give myself over to a state hospital.  But less of that…and more of what happened on the night.

Actually I can’t remember much.

One thing that struck me was the high quality of the production.  It was pretty damn world class.
The opening from Jack Parrow and Ruffio Vegas was lame as all hell though.  But then again. I was there for the comics and not the musical interludes.  The quality of the projections was just next level and I really enjoyed a few of the sketches. Zombie Corne’ and Twakkie was hilarious….as was Chris Steenkamp and Robbie Collins.  I also really like the Thuli Madonsela sketch from the ZA News folks. Some of the others didn’t work as well, but there was on the whole a very good natured ribbing and high production level on all of it.

I am not someone who is proud of the fact that I cannot speak any of the African languages we have in this fair country. But then again I am not alone in this.  I had absolutely zero idea who the guy who won the Audience Choice vote was. But this was something that I was not alone in.
There was a guy there, who as yet I still don’t know his name. A white guy doing some hectic vernacular that must have been some of the most impressive language skills I have witnessed in some time.  But it went on.  And it went on….and on.

There is only so long a large portion of the audience can sit there and feel like they are either part of the joke or part of the problem.  Not being able to understand what was going on felt rather unpleasant.  But hey.

The awards themselves are made up of only a few categories.  Not exactly covering the industry as I think it could be.  Nothing is mentioned about club comedy. No awards for best corporate act. Nothing for mc’s. Nothing about One-man-shows etc.  I think (or rather hope) that there will be more awards added in years to come.

It was however thoroughly enjoyable and the after party at Parkers was pretty much the best time I have had with that many of the industry in one space.  If there is one thing that we can be proud of, is the scale and size of the comedy industry in South Africa at the moment.  Every year it gets bigger and bigger.  Im not saying bigger is always better. Sure there are some pretty self-indulgent and egotistical arseholes out there. But on the whole, the comedy industry is getting along just fine.  There seems to be less politics as it grows. Perhaps there isn’t the room any more for individual ego’s to carry as much weight as perhaps they used to.

The drinks were flowing, the folks were dancing, and comics were having fun.  There are always going to be a few folks moaning. But it won’t be me.

Well done to the acts that took the awards. There were no surprises. Everyone was deserving. Particularly proud of my guy Kagiso Mokgadi (Or KG as he is better known) for winning the Breakthrough Act award.  Baby Babyeeee  you deserve it.  There were many deserving winners, especially the guy who nobody knew who won the audience choice vote.  If you are prepared to put in the effort, buy a few hundred sim cards and get all your friends to vote…then you should win.

Fair and square buddy.  You deserved it.Whoever you are.

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The poster for my new show #SorryNotSorry

I suck at using photoshop.
I suck even more with deadlines.
Together. The combination of deadline and lack of talent has joined to bring you this wee beastie.

It’s the new poster for (well) my new show.  I went with #SorryNotSorry because it seems to fit the narrative of the story.

Also see the above paragraph about deadlines..