Wearing the (hell)pants #STOPTHENONSENSE #GOODDEED

Its time to stop the nonsense.

When I was a kid, life was pretty simple when it came to food.

For lunch you got a polony sandwich, and if you were particularly well behaved a chicken and mushroom pie. Mostly around your birthday.

My friends kids today speak of having a deconstructed mac and cheese for lunch, washed down with organic juice from pears picked at moonlight on a farm that employees fair trade policies.

When I was a lighty, a tablespoon of sugar was considered luxury.  Today’s kids know no limit to their food extravagance.  This nonsense must stop.

I have this fear that our kids will grow up spoiled for choice and quality.

I think I went out to dinner with my family when I was a kid in the 80’s, perhaps four times a year.  Im guessing four times because there were four of us, and that meant four birthdays. Food was a simple affair. It involved a branded steak house and a burger with cheese and possible mushroom sauce if you were fancy.

Today I hear of toddlers refusing to eat anything other than particular restaurant sushi. I say particular because they will turn their little spoiled snouts up at the budget stuff.  I am not saying that the rise of quality food is a bad thing. But the race to keep little Johnny happy with his portions is out of control.  It is time to stop the nonsense.

It is time we institute some level of reality. Whilst we eat like kings, its time the kids knew the truth.

We already have Movember. Let us get the kids on an initiative. Can we not insist on a month where children are forced to eat emulsified meat products (ok I get it that there are vegetarians out there too) but for the month of May. I say we get the kids to eat Polony again. Reminiscent of the days when polony knew not social barriers. When polony was a tasty treat, not a reason for a food revolt at home.

Do it parents. The children need you to step forward.
Say no to the Salmon Rose and yes to the Polony Rose.

I know you can do it.
Stop the nonsense.

Polony tasting, comedy & bizarre news?

I recently had the pleasure (if one can call eating polony pleasurable) with the esteemed Gareth’s (plural)

I was a guest on episode #43 with Gareth Allison and Gareth Woods where we discussed the (de)merits of polony and other such emulsified meat treats.

You can find them on twitter on @twogsinapod
The most popular comedy podcast hosted by two guys with the same name. (not verified)

You can listen to it here.


Ladies and Gentlemen. I present, “The Polony Diaries”

Rob and I went on a food adventure.  We went in search of the history of polony.  What we found was a story of adventure and joy and a free gatsby.  Thanks kindly to the good people of the Golden Dish in Athlone.  It ’twas a most tasty experience. We got to go backstage at the best.

polony download here.  its lovely.

Music provided by Lowetjie Rothman.  Nice work sir.

Hens teeth. Its the 8th Show. Tune in/download the latest Drivetime Robbery

We have two brand new features in this weeks show.

We went on an amazing journey a few days ago, we went deep up the river of polony and nearly found the source.

We also have a telephone interview with Jim Jeffries.  He will be in South Africa in the next few days with shows in Cape Town and Joburg.

We have two sets of double tickets to give away.
We need you to send us your favourite Jim Jefferies punchline…send it to the twitter accounts @hellpants and @robvanvuuren

We have Wombat Sam in this week instead of Lauren.  she is probably doing something a lot more important.

Here are the Links for the week for the

“Lauren’s weird shit”
Who does the bible actually say to stone?

60 completely unusable stock photos

Amazing origami insects

Unfortunately Names Websites

GIRP game

Baby trashes bar in Las Palmas

Freddy Wong’s amazing videos

“Just Breathe” crowd-made emotionally uplifting song:

Free Polony and Parlotones CD’s for life.

All you have to do is never eat any other meat product again, or buy or listen to any other musical acts….I will give you free polony and parlotones cd’s for life.

If I was approched by a company that offered me free stuff.  I would be keen.  I think.  But there are limitations.  For example.  IF the Parlotones are involved with KFC and gigabyte and Pick’n’Pay.  I take it then that they are not allowed to be associated with Apple Mac, Woolworths or any other restuarant for that matter?

That must suck more than gettiing free stuff.

If someone offfered me something for life.  It would be tough to say no..but even tougher to say yes.

I have a bunch of friends that are sponsored in some way to mention brands at every oppertunity.  Whether its being seen with a certain type of drink, or having coffee at a particular place.  Whilst it must be great to get paid in product or physical cash….it kind of sucks dog cock reading the same sycophantic responses about something that just feels cheap.

When I hear of a certain celeb endorsing a product…I often find that i am further removed from the brand than endeared to it.

I have nothing against business making money out of endoresments…But I find it really boring.  Take some of the successful blogs out there.  Littered with info on brands that the writer will exclusively use.  Elitism is so very last year.
In a perfect world, I would use my own money to make my own choices.

But first, Im off to have a vida coffee, followed by a power-wank at a FIFA approved brothel, driven there in a Rikki’s taxi.   Whilst watching the Parlotones latest video on an Apple Ipad wearing my Adidas underpants soiled in KFC farts